I'm so close to killing some of these ghetto tricks here at this school. I swear to bloody god, if I get woken up by a OTHER girls hyena like laugher at 3 am, i'm going to kill something! ><

Next year I'm going back to MD for school and I'm try an work while I go to school.

-.-

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I got a new password. FROST YOUR ASS BETTER CALL ME!

>.> Yoz! it's been awhile since i posted here. Unn me and my friend are starting a TV show and maybe it will be shown in real TV. It's called Drama is Gurl
's Best friend.' >.> okay we may change it...ummm I GOT THE HOUSE TO MYSELF FUNTILL FEB-8

Thats THE outfit my charrie Nina wears YAY.

-03-07


It’s not fair. Nothing in this god damn life of mine is fucking fair. Some one tells me they want me to act like I;m 17 but when I do, it blows up in my face. I’m stuck ina house with a fucking crazy Bitch that makes me want to fucking kill myself every ime she looks at me. That sad shit is, she’s my Mother. I souldn’t have rage at her but I do. I’s not a stage or anything. I feel NOTHING for her.It’s like I;m living with a person I don’t know. I don’t feel Love,hate, anything. I just feel pure rage when every I see her name. IT’S NOT FAIR. I always told my self, I’d never hate my mom, I’d never stop loving her, I’d never stop trying to make her happy. I told my self that I would never think of trying to get away from her, I’d never call the cops. I told my self every day, that’s I’d never try and kill my self.

Every night I told my self that I can do this. But it’s gets harder and harder. To many times I’v picked up a knife and wounder what it be like to just let it go.But when I come back to my mind I end up crying on the inside. Crything about what I wantted to do. It’s not fair. I think back at my childhood how I was happy, I mean I never wantted to be away from my mother! But not.. I even look at her name on my phone. It makes me sick thinking about it. The only Reason I didn’t kill my self on March 5th 2006 was ina fucking twist of Luck! I was so close to ripping my vine out when my phone ranged, it said ‘Daddy’ I didn’t want to pick up. I didn’t want the last thing I heard was my daddy’s voice. But something pick it up, I did. Out of Fucking luck.. KJ wantted to talk to me, I almost broke out into tears on the phone. That 4 year old called me and asked mewas I gotting to make hima cake on his birthday. I fought back tears and said yes. After that, I just broke out into tears and hug my legs.


Yea, I’m not angel sent child, I’m not great, but I try. I mean I got into a top cooking collage for fucking sakes. I’m trying to be 17, almost 18. I’m trying so hard.But I can’t any more. I just can’t. I can help my friends but I can’t help my self, what kind of bull is that?

Ya, I’’m thankful her helping me with school, buying me things, and stuff. But that means SHIT when you make your FUCKING child feel like she wants tocut out your tonge every time you talk!

. The only Reason I didn’t kill my self on March 5th 2006 was ina fucking twist of Luck! I was so close to ripping my vine out when my phone ranged, it said ‘Daddy’ I didn’t want to pick up. I didn’t want the last thing I heard was my daddy’s voice. But something pick it up, I did. Out of Fucking luck.. KJ wantted to talk to me, I almost broke out into tears on the phone. That 4 year old called me and asked mewas I gotting to make hima cake on his birthday. I fought back tears and said yes. After that, I just broke out into tears and hug my legs. No body knows tha, that little boy was the only thing from making me dieing. Sure, if I die, my daddy would be sad, so would my friends and loved ones. But I don’t give a fuck about them right now. I will always Always loved them, but That means Shit to me when I feel like I wasn’t ment to be here!



No body see this shit! No body sees how much I hate my self! No body sees how hard I try to making everyone around me proud of me! No body sees that every night I look at the stars I wounder want it’s like to be dead. Nobody sees how I fucking hope I can go to fucking heaven and be reborn into some better person!. No body sees how that I pray I don’t have to come home and by the time I go to bed i’m not in tears. No Body FUCKING SEES HOW MUCH I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE MARQUETTE GREENE AND I AM IN SO MANY WAYS THAT I WANT TO KILL MY SELF.

I can’t yell, I can’t say what I want, I can’t do things my way. No! It had to be Ms Greens way. FUCKING GOD! WHY?! SomeBody tell me WHY?! Why do I let her get to me?! I’m not weakwilled, I don’t listen to others when they are mean to me. So Why?! Why dose this one woman! This one black woman making me so sad,so mad, so easy?! Huh?! Please just tell me why. God… why dose it hurt?

Please God, Tell me.. what happened to that little girl that wantted to be a vet? Huh? Where did she go? How did she turn into this train wreck? How can I get her back? How can I turn back time and start over?

I’m just tried, I’m just tried of everything. School, Family, Friends,getting headackes,being sick, money, My self, Life. I just want to lay down on my bed, close my eyes and never wake up.

I just want to rest my head,close my eyes and go into a deep sleep and never wake up. Just give me that, and I’ll be fine. I swer, I’ll be fine if everyone lets me sleep.


To My two Best friends, Bri and Rena. Don't take this the worng way. I love ya to the very end and alwasy will. and No i'm going to off my self. I'm just tried of life.

I GOT IN JOHANSON& WALES! GO ME!

It's My life and I'm live it like i want too.
Don't tell me I can't do what i want.
You can't tell what I can do.
If i want to fly I'll fly.
If i want to act, I'll act my heart out.

It's my life, I'm live it like i want too.
Don't tell me I can't do this or that.
My life, My plan,My world, My way!
Don't like it?!
There the bloody highway.

Don't tell me my dreams aren't real.
To you maybe, but to me hellz yea their real.
If I want to sing, I'm sing like a angel
If I want to dance, I'll dance untill my feet bleed.
Don't tell me what I did in the past.
Whats done is done.

Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's my life
and I'm live like I want to.
Don't like it?
So what?
It's My world, My plan, My way, My life.
I'm live it like I want too.
~~~~

Thats to anyone thats been told they cant do somthing and belive them. Don't lisen to them, Like your life your way. ^_^

No, more Emo shit for me damnit!
I;m try and not write anything sad cuase i don't want others getting all emo.

I love how some people come and go, but others stay will ya. So, Loves you bri and dom ^_^


Why the hell did i even write that?! Where did that come form? Thats it no more last night Tv i think i;m losing it.

Oh Sunday i got this cute shirt ^_^ it's like a kimono but it's not. I don't know how to put it but it cute damnit.

If you havn't been able to tell this is a rant, from Twlight. Bite me. thats is all.


>.>

<.<

>.>

Chains hold me down....

From my neck to arms and feet.....

In the dark i sit and wait......

Slowly, my mind loses it self in the shadows......

Every second that goes by, I think....

Isn't it Irony?.....

I can help people Push others out..

But yet... I;m still here?.....

Trap in a cell of dark.....

~~~`

WOW.... being Emo is a bitch.Sweet

I swear to god, our bus driver and drive, It's 5 weeks into school... we been 2 CAR CRASHS WTF MAN?!

I think i hurt somthing....~~~
~~

I have been sick for like 2 weeks now... i think i;m kill the next thing that walks by me... damn... the dog walked by... she gotta die...
~~~

and by the death i mean... I BOUGHT STAY ALIVE BABY!

12GRADES A BITCH.

I have to study for the SATS, get some hours i need to pass school, Work and trty and get a half day. ><

Doing to much! I may quit my job at MD's they are testing my patinces, and Lord know how little i have of it.

~~
BUT ON TO THE GOOD NEWS! I went to this place called Cakelove, it owned by a man that has a show on the food network. ANyway, i went up there to ask if they did inturnships, which they don't. But The Owner( The man from TV) came up to me and gave me a worksheet. He said they had a part time job openning. So now i gotta call up there to see if i can turn that paper in like around Oct.

But i would be so cool to work there, it's just like 10mins from my school. I could leave at noon, go to work, get off and take the train home.


XD

i Think my best friends is right >.> there is somthing about me that older men like. This guy i work with who is 26. was like hitting on me and i was like ' Don't you have a girl ' and he just smiled.


O.o

^_^ I''m feeling better today! manly cuase all the teens i work with have school next monday and i world 2-10 pm all week. I don' go back to school untill the 28th. So i;m try and work all my hours so i can get payed.!

When i do i;m take off the money and send some to my daddy ^_^ Yes i am a daddy gurl
!!

MOVING ON!


When i was at the Otakon( witch kicked ass) I was taking to this guy, i swear i thought he was like 17 or somthing. So i gave him my email.

He says he buying a house, and i said you can do that at 17 and he turned around and said he just truned 20. And i was like O.o, the hell?! I mean this guy looked 16, or 17. But i don't care HE WAS CUTE! XD

You know i fucking hate? How eevryone in god damn world thinks. No one fucking gets it. No one.

A person fucks up one time and boom, you don't like them at all. it fucking kills me. My mom and my Dad both fuck up, hell everyeone days. There is not a got damn soul on got damn shity as earth that can;t do a got damn thing right.

My mom mess up and my dad dose, and boom they are the worst people in the world. Don't know know a damn thing that gose on in our lives but no, they are bad people or whatever.

~~

I want to know, how many kids had to see down in the got damn 4th grade, and over hear teachers saying they feel bad of you cuase of somthing your mom or dad did. I heard it all my life.

That shit is mess up. I remeber telling my etachers that, no more what my mom did,or my dad did. they were kick ass people. But.. i can't do that anymore.

You can't change how people fucking think. And what kills me is they view other people as wrong and they can;t get a good got damn look in the mirror at them selves.


No i'm not ashdemed of my momma or Daddy. thats one think i'll never be. My Momma all most died, and my dad did to. Tell me how many people who know can get up after being shot and be fine but just loing thier hearing? Not many.



When people say the hurt people and shit, and they don't have a reson, they are just being Emo. But i;m not when i say i fucking hate this got damn world. I mean I Hate this got damn world.



peace out, and don't die a hellish death.

I don't know, may be it's cuase i;m a only child.
But my mom just likes to think she's right. She enever wants to listen to what i have to say and it her flaut I also killed my self a while back.

But she dosen't see to remeber or care. But whatever right? I mean this happens to every kid sometime in thier life. ^_^ I just gotta keep smiling and wait till i;m 18 maybe i'll be readly for the real world. I hope i am.

Goodnight.

Like a painful dream, i;m ina black room, but

Were is He?

Were am I?

I knew a day like today would come.

I feel so much pain... please let it end, so i can rest once agin.

Were is he?

When He's absent from my site and when he's right next to me.

I feel anxious and Afraid, that fate will rip us apart at any time

A feeling like this...

A kind you can never know untill you die, right?


We have been though so much... is this the end?

What do we do now?

Our bond can;t be stolen...



Thats why we Died...like we did.

Gato, Wyren, and Tasha...

I'm sorry...

We left you alone...

Please don't be mad... I;m sorry my beloves.

Look to the stars and you'll see my face.

Goodnight My sweet young ones...

Tonight.. I have to sleep....

This is a sleep... I will never come back from...

Goodnight.


I'll miss you all...


This gose to a sad pic that some drew...so... yea...

http://www.deviantart.com/view/36227558/

Look around

I look around and this what i see:
To the North i see Bush digging us in a deeper hole.
To the East, I see a war that has on point.
To the south, I see young men throwing away their lives.
To the West, I see young women being mothers at a young age.
In front of be, it may not be clear, but i see my future.
Behind me I see my past
It may not look like i see what is around me.
But I do.
Look around.

Tell me

What do YOU see?